Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
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I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
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so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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