If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
