I should be sponsored by Trojan
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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