so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
