winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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