I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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