In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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