DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
