How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
