and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
worst night to have a conscience
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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