dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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