I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
