just tell him i said nine months
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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