sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
