He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
