you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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