i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
