soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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