You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
