my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
