Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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