My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
