yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
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Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
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But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?