my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
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I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
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One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.