just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
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Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
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he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.