do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.