You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf