he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .