so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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