i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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