suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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