just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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