she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
