im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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