your thong is hanging out like whoa
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
