Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
