I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
