she peed on how many people?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
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I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
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I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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