Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
