overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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