so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
