Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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