You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
