I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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