I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize