I drank myself into bisexuality again.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just forgot I was standing up.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize