He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
