wakey wakey hands off snakey
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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