At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
