Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
