Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize