Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
