it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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