wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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