I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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