she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
