Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
