Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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