my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize