I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
