would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
