I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
