Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
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i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
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Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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