I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
