I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize